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S COM HOM

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Before illustrating this collection of five short stories, Sandra Savajano  kindly  express your feelings  with words. Here they are  in their entirety  who deliver to  the curiosity of the reader Paul, Loû, Noémie, Kahane, the Stranger and the Blue Man, these  both remarkable and pitiful heroes.

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"  I was too impatient to read it… I now know that I love your writing. It is clear and very rich, and I still find myself carried away in your stories. There are so many things that I wonder how you manage to be so complete and so diverse; because it is something that naturally escapes me. I admire !

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Paul's tribulations

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For this first story, I discovered a Paul, both victim and executioner. At first very human, he attracts compassion all the more so as he is lucid about his situation and what he is (mirror effect with Moh'arki and the concierge). However, he becomes mechanical as soon as he puts his plan into practice and takes control of it. I did not think that his wife would disappear, but since we are in his logic, that of erasing all physical traces of his past, then why not! A remark I make when leaving the human context: I do not know if I should qualify him as cowardly or courageous! maybe both ?

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He seems to be able to live only through the eyes of others, and expects notorious recognition. I think the letter he sends at the end to Moh'arki also goes in this direction. Strange for someone who wanted to completely cut himself off from his past! I think he used Moh'arki as a referent for himself as well; a way to be convinced of your success and to be proud of it. He goes to the end of his logic and succeeds… moreover, that's what I like about your story, because far from the moralizing Judeo-Christian clichés! Questions come to me: why did he come to find a way out only in assassination by proxy? Why did he feel so servile in his first life? Will his ambition have a limit in his new life? How does his wife die? This last question is the one that interests me the most because I would have liked to know if he had had the courage to face it or not. This brings me back to the Nazi extermination scheme where the main protagonists had only an ideological and distant vision of what was happening. Questions that will remain unanswered but that's not a problem… I had a good time with also passages that made me smile. I still have things going round in my head because, as I told you, you are very rich, and although Paul is the main character, the others are not left out ...

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One last thing. So far, I haven't found anything shocking in this first story. I'll see later ... But I think the reality can be much worse! well, I don't want to comment on the rest. Sorry for the length, hoping that this meets your expectations ...

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Torrid stripping

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In its generality, this story inspires and expires desire throughout its unfolding. I don't think any of your readers can resist it. This time, I'm going to split this story into three parts:

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1 / the boudoir and the show

2 / his return to the room

3 / Lucas

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1 / In her boudoir, I have in front of me a disturbing and sensual Loû, wishing to be desired, taking pride in her power over men, both dominant and playing with their desires which she cannot do without. She seems to exist essentially through the image she offers and that is referred to her, whether it is about her men or the abundance of mirrors that adorn her room. From this room, I got a strange feeling of well-being, warmth and security as if the narrow, felted and feminine side sent me back the image of a maternal womb, the men being only passing through. In everything she provokes, I find her both an actress and a spectator. On stage, she is still in control of her power, but shows more disgust for those I consider more voyeurs, as they only come to take. The atmosphere changes from her protected boudoir where only some had access, and where she reigned. On stage she becomes a future prey to all the promises she has suggested. I have no trouble feeling the sensuality that carries her during her music-driven show.

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2 / The after-show shows her as a woman trapped in her situation, forced to submit voluntarily in order to avoid it being forcibly. We oscillate between domination, servitude, degradation and ever-present desire but animal and more brutal desire. She is dispossessed of her humanity and becomes the object of all sexual delusions. Other than her, I don't see any other female presence in the room; no waitresses or other strippers or other creature… Which consolidates the effect of loneliness. I also find in this passage a writing more anatomical than sensual. I am surprised and also reassured that his cry of refusal has put an end to his aggression.

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3 / Lucas! Ah! Lucas… that's what I want to say. He is the one who heals the wound, who cleans up the stain. At this moment, I find you feminine in your writing and perhaps also in your being. Lo comes back to his fragile boudoir but always on the alert. In contact with Lucas, I have the impression that she has passed a stage and that she is no longer who she was before. Certainly because he offers her comfort and gentleness and makes her discover the extent of his generosity! I find her stripped of her narcissistic side at this moment, and I look at her like a woman-child. It remains nonetheless radiant with sensuality, beauty and remains desirable, even for me, but it is no longer in the provocation. She abandons herself to a natural, a non-mastery and a non-analysis in order to live. I really liked the few descriptive lines of the bath. In the end, I find them both beautiful!

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I still went long but it is impossible otherwise. In this story, I discovered you are very feminine, to the point of asking me if you are not a Japanese who ignores yourself. They are as comfortable with their masculine side as their feminine side ...

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In conclusion, I will say that this story is an invitation to make love ... I do not see how to get out otherwise!

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The flight of Noémie

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  I must say that this story has moved and touched me like no other so far, and it is one of the rare times that I dare to write on the fringes of a book. As a result, I find it more difficult to put my feelings in place. I found in your sentences words that I experienced recently and that I still live, for some. Strange! you will say to me, to use the term of "to live" to qualify the words, but there are no others! I can't help but make a connection with Japanese culture and the notions of the founding Master of Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba, because there are so many similarities. Your expressions are still incredibly correct, and I find it hard to believe that this is the result of an unrealized act. But this may be the case, and in this hypothesis, it shows a sensitivity  innate to what surrounds you… Coincidence or coincidence? This leads me to another questioning (since I do not believe in chance), why did you meet you at this point in my life, just after the death of my friend Yasuo? To that, I do not yet have the answer, and ultimately it does not matter, because the goal is not there (besides Yasuo would have told me that I already knew it) ... But I am attentive to the signs which present themselves to me, a bit like Noémie in your book… Moreover, by certain facets (the fact of facing oneself in a precise situation, and the notion of being here and elsewhere at the same time), I looks a bit like him. End of this personal parenthesis and return to the book.

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Here we are in the life of a woman (thirty five years old) who challenges herself to make her dream come true. She enters it as one enters into a struggle: fully loaded! Perhaps a final invitation to life she seems jaded about? Noémie is loved, supported by her husband Jacques and their son Jérôme; A calm and well-regulated life, showing a tendency for control and organization but which lacks spirituality. No particular ambition, no particular fulfillment apart from this dream to be fulfilled. Maybe the only recklessness she allowed herself in her whole life? Besides, I wonder if this is not his biggest worry, the lack of interest in his life and in life in general (a love, a child and a passion, this is his definition of success) . Because in the opposite case, would she really have needed to put herself in danger?

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The fact of having posed her as a tightrope walker shows her sharing and her hesitation, until her choice! But did she have to make a choice between the two? personally I do not think so! But as far as Noémie is concerned, I don't feel that she is mobile enough, not fluid enough despite her agility on the rope, to glimpse anything other than what she is experiencing. She seems quite passive to me and I would tend to say that she was resigned to her way of life. The nuances do not seem to enter into its design ...

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Jacques' role is essential because without his investment, I think Noémie would not have been able to achieve it. We feel that he is protecting her. Jacques and Jérôme are very discreet but anchored in the first reality of Noémie, just like everything that is material. Witnesses, they are in abnegation and acceptance of Noémie's choice, whatever the outcome. Along the way, we see Noémie gradually switch to a consciousness of a more universal world (reference to the precepts of aikido). She who was struggling for her survival at the beginning, in a physical relationship with the elements, finds herself in the unprecedented and the acceptance of a new path, more sensitive, discovering an unsuspected vigor and the renunciation of things and people who were essential to him until then. Note the major role of asceticism found in many cultures and which leads to the awakening of consciousness. Noémie's path is above all spiritual, perhaps her own discovery? I think so ! Little by little, Noémie becomes ethereal with only her conscience on alert. She who lived in control, sacrifice too, now lets her feelings guide her, the sensations invade her and act accordingly, until her total stripping, breaking with the world that was hers (I do not want to use the word "real" because everything that is experienced is in one way or another a reality). It is touching to see how Noémie puts into practice the absorption of her two loves: a form of spiritual cannibalism which allows her not to completely give up all of this old life. In vain …

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The Golden Eagle, another major figure in this story. He would appear majestic, impose his power, probe the situation only to return at the precise moment of Noémie's no return. It is linked to his conscience! Maybe it is his conscience? He accomplishes his task as he should, with lucidity and compassion, love and determination, in sharing and complicity also with the future Traveler. It is inevitable, and moreover it is expected and hoped for by Noémie. The passage from one world to another is still marked by the bruising of the flesh, but the transcendence of pain brings a spiritual dimension. I loved the way you turned this moment into an act of love. At times, helping a person to die is really an act of love… and then it is impossible to dissociate life from death, so, yes! I like this idea of coupling, the Yin and the Yang forming the whole. In some cultures this eagle would be the angel of death or some other creature; here, he is the Ferryman from Earth to Heaven! MAGNIFICENT…

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In the end, the metamorphosis is successful and the bird can now take flight! A new life, free from everything, full of promise… but do those close to him know it? Maybe one day, on the way to existence, two eyes will meet, one human the other animal, and will recognize each other but without knowing where ...  

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It is still impossible for me to come out of this story unscathed, and I hope I had the necessary hindsight (I am not convinced) to have expressed myself clearly enough.

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From now on, I will not look the same way at the shadows hovering in the sky. I still saw a lot of references that speak to me, and I also put a lot of "maybe"! One thing is certain, it is that my interpretation will not stop there. It will continue to develop, perhaps (hold on! One more) than the previous accounts. This story does not end there!

With always so much pleasure to read you

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The madmen of the stadium

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Once again, I can only see how complete your story is, even in the characters of the characters, and it is very difficult for me to add anything. I am in awe and the satisfaction of having only to read, live, without questions (a priori), just to follow you, wherever you want to take me. And yet, so many things are bubbling up in me! so much food for thought, so many oppositions and comparisons ... So I am going to try to structure my analysis as best as possible because there, everything comes to me in bulk!

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This story is powerfully realistic, especially since it could be topical (personally, I think it is). This time the reader cannot escape your reality; you lead it there and anchor it there with force and persuasion. No escape, no illusions, no dreams. You even avoided tossing them over, leaving each character in their neat niche. Only a few rare moments of doubt, very quickly swept away, punctuate the story. But nothing that does not influence their mentality and their formatting for the future. I must say that this history leaves me in a state of renunciation, like Kahane, in the face of this so human barbarism, becoming one with her in what she lives. I am not surprised by these beings in all their horror, and I feel the uselessness of all the "evolutionary" acts or of help which could be brought to them, if only to get them out of these totalitarian regimes: reaction hot and therefore an erroneous opinion because I am generalizing ...

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Despite the display of their entire technological system (for tendentious purposes however), the reader that I am is faced with a society that flouts human laws, respect and intelligence among others. However, despite the compassion I felt for Kahane during his interrogation, my only moment of revolt, and disgust, was when Kahane was executed in the arena. This scene awakened in me vengeful impulses in the face of this injustice, that which Kahane saw, and murderous in the face of the lapidary fanatics. Moreover, I would have liked to find myself face to face with the one who completes it with a concrete block ...

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Besides with all! Even if it means dying, you might as well fight ... Here is my "human" side in all its splendor ...

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Finally, and with rage, I will say that I have only one desire towards these people: that they languish in their fundamentalism and suffocate from their ignorance. Another error on my part because I forget, during the lapse of time that it took me to formulate it, the particular cases, those which are worth the trouble of… But I reason according to my criteria, my sensitivity at the moment, and I don't want to make my personal vision a safe bet, it is so fluctuating.

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Akmair and Kahane have opposing personalities for me, but I see that we live history mainly through Kahane's journey. I feel her offered to the reader as a martyr (moreover everything in her description makes her endearing by her naivety, noble by the feelings and actions she takes with human beings, sensitive in her ordeal, innocent in her intentions, human through her emotions… until her virginity, the ultimate symbol of purity), just as she is "the exemplary culprit" ("the lamb on the altar") in the eyes of the frustrated fanatics for whom she will serve as an outlet. One thing is certain, it is that Kahane exacerbates the feelings. Caught off guard, she undergoes, struggles, resigns herself, hopes (especially during the appearance of Lobal) then we observe her gradually renounce action, hope and even thought. She ends up abandoning herself to the fate reserved for her, aware of her powerlessness in the face of a well-oiled "judicial" machine. So perhaps to end it sooner, convinced of the fatal outcome of her destiny, she abdicates, confesses and gives up defending "her" truth. Subsequently, she also renounces the right of ownership of her body. At this point, nothing matters to him; she is disconnected from everything: only the ultimate sufferings of stoning awaken her almost extinct senses. Her slow agony brings us once again to the feeling of spiritual elevation by transcending her own pain, an impression that she sends back in spite of herself because this is not Kahane's primary vocation. She will die alone and anonymous for the crowd of fanatics, on an anniversary, but KAHANE will live, awe-inspiring innocence and purity, in the eyes of the readers.

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Akmair with excessive zeal towards his uncle, the tyrannical Qwalme, both author and puppet of the machine he created, held by fear like the others (Elakelle, Quildar, Loukel): fear that the roles, victims and executioners , are reversed. However, it's not just that: I think he feels pleasure and satisfaction in fulfilling his role, invested with more and more powerful powers, and showing a certain pride in believing himself in the real one (the arm avenger of Dyal failing to take himself for him).  The rare times when he doubts, especially during the flow of virginal blood from Kahane, let us suppose that he could let himself be sensitized by his fate. But no, he clings to his convictions. However, what are his personal convictions? he does not seem to have any in his own right, but only religious ones, which his parents passed on to him and who help him socially, and those ambitious in a quest for power and social advancement inherited from his uncle on whom he is dependent. . He is the one that gives me the most to think about as he seems contradictory to me in his private and professional life (in a few and rare passages, his sensitivity emerges). However, he doesn't seem as frustrated as other fanatics may appear. He doesn't seem so fanatical to me anyway; I think he just takes advantage of the situation as an opportunist. I would say that it is in its job, an optimal mechanic. The only thing that matters to him is the main objective: the absolute reign of Dyal! He fulfills his duty towards those who are already deprived of humanity in his eyes, with calculation and cold mathematical rigor. I still find reminders of Hitler's Nazi regime in design and practice. I try to synthesize but it's rich! Thereafter, I will try to perceive Akmair's appearance in private ... but I'm almost sure that he is full of humanity towards his ...

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Needless to say that my reflection does not stop there, at this so succinct summary and which nevertheless took me a long time. Besides, I can't technically write you everything that comes to mind, as it goes by so quickly. Even I am losing the common thread… but I can do nothing about it, I endure until total absorption, until detachment! I appreciate your endings because they escape what the reader would want to catch a glimpse of, a form of comfort in this case. On the contrary, your ends are twists and turns for me, and lead to something else, another story, a door open to an elsewhere but which does not correspond to human logic ... Once again, you surprise me by the extent of your knowledge, and your prose carries me away again, only to let go of me at the end of the story.

I have to be careful because, with you, I cannot see the time passed, and I am losing my watchmaking references… already that I do not like them!

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Whites, blues and ochres

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Gorgeous !

I am She, I am Him!

I am She, of a moving free of grains of infinity, I am Him, a burning star, source of life ...

I'm only Blue now!

Philippe, you took my mind to this passionate story. You have freed passions and loves from their constraints. And now I know why this story is the last! You have opened the door, that of freedom: it is impossible to refuse it!

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I'm going with him, me, daughter of the wind, daughter of the sun and the elements… I only want Blue… I suspected it but now I know it: I'm only “Blue”…  thanks to You Philippe

A tear as a signature, but no sadness, just emotion ...  Goodbye  "

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